My last post it's on oct ;P but yeah nevermind.

i'm still alive, and kicking. i just lost my mood to blog. ;)

lots of things happened between Nov until now. i don't know whether i should say it's been good, or it's been a struggle to stay until this point? haha

went to USA for last classes on my univ life in SG, then japan for vacation with Jae, then fly here and there, cut the story short, i've been living off my suitcases for quite a while. you know lately, i've been feeling down. i don't know why but i don't feel like moving to another country anymore. i'm suppose to move to Korea, cause i wanna patch up my dream, the ultimate dream, and yes it's not related to fangirl's thing surprisingly. lol. but these few weeks, i've been wanting to settle down back in Jakarta. i just miss everything i used to have back in Indo, i realized that somehow i'm really really alone here. reality sucks i guess.

U.S life is really make or break trip. we found everyone's true colours. lol. now i can say that i'm close with my babies in class. one thing that i despise very much, why does good thing always happen last? ;___; i can't even enjoy these precious moments since it'll be gone the next second i blink.

other than those fun things, i still can say, i'm pretty much alone. i'm alone and lonely. i feel super lonely inside. i don't know why. ;___; i guess i just miss good ole' times. after this saturday's exam, everyone's going through separate ways, somehow i can feel the pang on my heart whenever i think about this ;'( yes, i dread this science's exam to the core, i want this to be over asap, but the thought of not going to class, hanging out at canteen with my babies, or just random visits to student office somehow sadden me. but yeah, i have new life waiting for me in Seoul. gonna move there in 6 months. i don't know what will happen. i enjoy surprises, but at this point, i no longer want to be surprised anymore. as i said, i just want everything i used to have back.

i really really feel emo. my brain fried.

anyway, i talked with my ex BF. the one i love(d) the most. yes even until now i still harboring a lil part of my heart for him. i don't know. he used to be my world. i passed my days with him glued by my side like a love sick puppy, but then next thing i knew, i was running away from reality cause i didn't have the strength to face it, then i lost him, it's one of the consequences i gotta face by taking this step that time. i really had no choice. haha.
but i can pretty much say that he still treasure me dearly, maybe is not as much as how it used to be, but i'm pretty much content to know that he still has the spark for me ;P (i'm selfish, i know that) we talked things out by BBM, then he admitted that he really really fell for his current lover. he told me, he loves her sooooooo much, and she reminds him of me, cause of her wittiness, bitchyness, and sarcastic words really can match up with me. then suddenly reality struck. and i lost at words. he's not the first guy that told me this.

am i really only worth to be remembered just because i'm sarcastic, bitchy and witty? don't i have other traits? as in the good ones. or am i that bad? =/ i don't even have a slightest clue on how to answer these questions myself.

see, being emo is not so good, especially when you're in the middle of finishing up your paper, and you haven't cleaned up the make up, crying makes your eye liners smudged here and there. =/ FML.

LIFE IS SAD.