i'm supposed to go dinner with manda tomorrow, but i cancelled. i just want to roll into a ball right now, and stay in the silent. T__T i need someone to talk to. but i couldn't call manda's phone. so yeah. *dies* have i told you that i got no one in sg? damn i sound pathetic. hahahah. [but i really am pathetic]

okay, so daddy [my real dad] is going to move to another city tomorrow. YES TOMORROW, AND HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME ANYTHING. ONLY A SIMPLE PHONE CALL TO TELL ME THAT HE'S GOING TO MOVE TOMORROW. AND WILL NOT COME BACK IN COUPLE OF YEARS. thanks dad for the information. thank you. =_='''

i thought you always say you love me the most.
i thought you always say that i'm your favorite daughter.
and i thought i said that clearly, eventhough i hate you, you're still my father. and i love you. [i know this sentence is hella confusing XD]

i dunno if i'm sad or dissapointed. i can't tell the difference anyway. so yeah. i dunno i dunno i dunno! i got mixed feelings right now. how ironic. i always think that i hate him with passion coz of some reasons that i don't need to reveal here, but i'm still crying. i thought i hate him, but why tears keep rolling from my eyes? or maybe i just can't hate him?
i dunno why i'm crying so hard, i just dunno. its not because he's going to move. it feels like, all previous problems with him also poppin up in my brain at the same time. i feel like recalling those bad memories with him. good ones and bad ones.
;___________;

okay, maybe i'm just dissapointed with the fact, that you still choose that step daughter of yours rather than your own blood and flesh, ME. yes, ME.
i lost count on how many times you chose her OVER me. yes i know i'm selfish.
i remember when you told me, that i've changed drastically. you even don't know me anymore, i'm not the same girl you used to piggyback 15years ago. why? thanks dad. if you wanna know, i've changed because of you. i USED to love u too much until you gave me the shock of my life. i'm not the same girl that you used to piggyback because of you. i've been a pain in the ass to mommy ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.

but why i'm still crying so hard right now? not because u're going to move. but because everytime you make me dissapointed, those scars that i you planted on me keep replaying on my brain.

btw, i threw away our last photo together already daddy. i know you can't read my blog coz you have no idea that i got one. but i feel like confessing to u. i threw away my favorite photo of us, the one that we took when we went to the amusement park when i was 4. i threw it away along with the frame. and FYI, i've kept that pic for almost 10years, and decided to throw it away the day you decided that you prefer to live your life without me in it. [you still thinking that i'm a part of your life, until now. but i don't think so.] and that pic was tainted with lots of tears mark that already dried up there. LOL. i feel funny whenever i remember that photo. hahaha.

i feel like calling mommy, but i don't dare to. Mommy loathes him with passion. they both despise each other so much.

Dear Lord, what should i do? T T''''

P.S : i'm not fine, and won't be fine until the next couple of days, coz apparently, SHIT HAPPENS. another problem comin to the surface. add more salt to my wounded heart. dammit.