finally, after disappeared to God knows where lol.

i've gone nowhere. here. just lazy to update. hahahhaa.

lots of things happened. i've moved to seoul. and pretty much bored right now. and it was snowing yesterday~

My last post it's on oct ;P but yeah nevermind.

i'm still alive, and kicking. i just lost my mood to blog. ;)

lots of things happened between Nov until now. i don't know whether i should say it's been good, or it's been a struggle to stay until this point? haha

went to USA for last classes on my univ life in SG, then japan for vacation with Jae, then fly here and there, cut the story short, i've been living off my suitcases for quite a while. you know lately, i've been feeling down. i don't know why but i don't feel like moving to another country anymore. i'm suppose to move to Korea, cause i wanna patch up my dream, the ultimate dream, and yes it's not related to fangirl's thing surprisingly. lol. but these few weeks, i've been wanting to settle down back in Jakarta. i just miss everything i used to have back in Indo, i realized that somehow i'm really really alone here. reality sucks i guess.

U.S life is really make or break trip. we found everyone's true colours. lol. now i can say that i'm close with my babies in class. one thing that i despise very much, why does good thing always happen last? ;___; i can't even enjoy these precious moments since it'll be gone the next second i blink.

other than those fun things, i still can say, i'm pretty much alone. i'm alone and lonely. i feel super lonely inside. i don't know why. ;___; i guess i just miss good ole' times. after this saturday's exam, everyone's going through separate ways, somehow i can feel the pang on my heart whenever i think about this ;'( yes, i dread this science's exam to the core, i want this to be over asap, but the thought of not going to class, hanging out at canteen with my babies, or just random visits to student office somehow sadden me. but yeah, i have new life waiting for me in Seoul. gonna move there in 6 months. i don't know what will happen. i enjoy surprises, but at this point, i no longer want to be surprised anymore. as i said, i just want everything i used to have back.

i really really feel emo. my brain fried.

anyway, i talked with my ex BF. the one i love(d) the most. yes even until now i still harboring a lil part of my heart for him. i don't know. he used to be my world. i passed my days with him glued by my side like a love sick puppy, but then next thing i knew, i was running away from reality cause i didn't have the strength to face it, then i lost him, it's one of the consequences i gotta face by taking this step that time. i really had no choice. haha.
but i can pretty much say that he still treasure me dearly, maybe is not as much as how it used to be, but i'm pretty much content to know that he still has the spark for me ;P (i'm selfish, i know that) we talked things out by BBM, then he admitted that he really really fell for his current lover. he told me, he loves her sooooooo much, and she reminds him of me, cause of her wittiness, bitchyness, and sarcastic words really can match up with me. then suddenly reality struck. and i lost at words. he's not the first guy that told me this.

am i really only worth to be remembered just because i'm sarcastic, bitchy and witty? don't i have other traits? as in the good ones. or am i that bad? =/ i don't even have a slightest clue on how to answer these questions myself.

see, being emo is not so good, especially when you're in the middle of finishing up your paper, and you haven't cleaned up the make up, crying makes your eye liners smudged here and there. =/ FML.

LIFE IS SAD.

what a joke. . . . (insert bitter laugh here)
don't promise something you can't fulfill. not now, not in this lifetime, not ever.

***

i'm having last module for my university life in singapore ;) after this i'm gonna move somewhere else again. happy!

okay, i had a talk with one of my best buddy in school. and what's wrong with people? a little affection DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE FEELING FOR THAT PERSON OKAY?
i'm a touchy person. i love to hug/kiss/whatever my friends. please do not take it the wrong way. =/
i don't like it when people misunderstood me. and FYI, if the person i want already in relationship, do you think i'm gonna go down that low and steal them? HELL NO.

i have enough people misunderstood me as third wheel in their relationship. seriously, just because your lovers were the one that couldn't control themselves, just because you loved them enough, you closed your eyes, and started to blame me cause you didn't have anyone to blame but your unfaithful lovers and your lame self? =/ for God sake i didn't do anything. what i did merely being a good friend okay. wouldn't it be weird that i stopped talking to them all of a sudden?

teach me how to act in everything then? if i be all shy & silent, you're gonna say i'm a stuck up bitch. if i be all nice, you're gonna say i try to steal your lover? FUCK YOU. =/

i promised myself that im gonna update this blog tonight, but not gonna happen i guess.

i need place to rant!

mommy called, and basically asked me everything she usually ask on the phone. but the repetition of question irks the hell out of me. i don't know why, even the simplest thing from her can make me snap in a sec T__T and everytime it never fails to make me feel guilty when i replay everything after i end those calls.
T___T sorry mom. but i seem to lost my anger easily when it comes to talk to you T__T i don't know why. but rest assured, you're the most precious person for me in this world.

i'm sorry. . . 

what's wrong with these 3 days. totally not my day.

i seriously want to cry. this sucks so bad.

first, went down to the gym and found out my PT resigned, and he couldnt be contacted at all.
i paid thousands not for nothing okay. because of that i have to postpone my training session for about 2-3weeks.

then my mom instantly called just to check whether i'm going to gym or not.
she has been pressuring me to lost weight for these past few months, it's stressing me out, but i didn't tell anyone about this.
everytime she gives me a call, she always ask 'have you been losing weight again?'
and every time she ask then i always feel pissed off. can you please stop repeating the damn question just for once?
i hate the pressure she gives me. i know her intention is good. but i loathe it everytime she ask that.

it's finally taken it's toll on me. yesterday she called me. we were talking about winter clothes that i should buy. then she told me she bought winter clothes for me already IN SIZE MEDIUM. (about UK8)
i snapped at her, she thought i could shed 15KG within 2months? is she insane or what. i told her but she kept insisting that i should shed those KGs before my departure. i was so pissed off.

she kept pressuring me to not eat this and that, to take this and that, to do this and that. and started to compare me with my cousin who managed to lost 10KGs within a month. i hate being compared. i really really despise it, it makes me feel as if im not good enough.

i never talk about this weight issue to anyone. cause i simply don't want to. can i just live the way i want? omagah.

then just now, starhub cut down my phone line. seriously, is this even my fault?
they didn't send me any bill. nor they deduct any amount they need from my bank account. they just simply cut down the phone line. i can't understand this.

and my housemate told me i have package yesterday. she told me by SMS, then i assumed she took it from mailbox from me. this evening when i asked where's my package, she told me she didn't take it, she only saw it on mailbox. okay FML. then i went down with a hope to retrieve it, then tadaah~! nothing's there.
can this day get any worse than this? i have 2 packages there. and one of them i bought for my friend's bday present, and it cost me quite a lot money.

okay, i really really want to cry right now. this sucks. so bad.

hellohaaaaaa~! XDDDD

long time no see. LOL. i think it's been a month since last time i published an entry here!
i have plenty of free time, but i spent all the time i have on going out and playing with my friends XD
anyway, nothing much going on in my life. seriously, my life is getting more flat. not that i complain XD sometimes i don't need unnecessary drama in my life. ohh, i almost forgot that i still have a dad! wahahah stupid me i know.
it's like i hadn't talk to him for a month, i didnt really give a damn about calling him as well. when he called me couple days ago it felt kinda awkward. *bangshead*

on a lighter note, i dyed my hair blonde! 8DD i seriously in love with my blonde hair! eventhough people keeps on giving me rude/weird stares on the street, who cares? but it got on my nerves last week when i went to airport, a bunch of idiots gave me head to toe stares. i only could glare back. seems like everytime people gimme a stare, all i do is glaring back. mommy said i look like a giant size barbie doll, some of my friends said i resemble a girl that partying too hard. fuck them =3='' i'm a nice girl. i don't drink, i don't smoke nor doing drugs. okay i drink, a little. LOL!

some pics of my blonde days! hahaha XD

with Jae~

















and my pretty nails~! XD





end of this year is gonna be a busy month~! XD
will be off to U.S on mid nov, and coming back on mid dec. after that gonna spend Christmas and new year in Japan! yay~! *is happy*
i called mommy to inform her about the changes on Japan trip. she was quite unhappy with the idea of me spending new year time in Japan. but it's unfair. she's going to spend her X'mas on Deutschland (Germany) and she didn't allow me to go. =3=''' this upcoming hari raya holiday she's going to europe as well. ugh! she promised me to buy more Chanel bags as compensation. okay fair enough. XD

ohh vie, lina, nopa and MGP came for vacay on early august XD we went to malaysia for 3days only. thanks God i didn't stay any longer there XD and we paid universal studio singapore a visit XD it was so small =3= finished trying everything in 3hours. ugh! i might go to universal studio japan in osaka later. but not too sure since no more db hand prints there XD







me and Jae had brunch at wild honey mandarin gallery last sunday. the english breakfast was yumm! i wanna try their canadian breakfast next time. and they have the best earl grey tea! favorite~



***

goodies update~! XDDDD

chubee yunho photobook. this is the thickest yunho photobook i've ever had. and the small booklet is too cute! if you flip it fast, the contents will look like a movement from yunho XD




Goyoonho pbook! this pbook released back on april hahaha XD but i kept it at eunkyum's house in korea cause i kinda forgot to ask her to send it to me. XD


Jolokia 3rd book. bunny yunjaeeee~!



Marie claire magazine. i was lucky to snatch this copy. it was the last copy available on Gmarket. actually, i've stopped buying magz since last year, but i couldn't resist oppa's hotness on this issue.



evisu advertisement on random korean magazine hahahaha


Y.F.C goods, from HTTG premium event in japan~


J.Y.J Goodies~ XD


pibi's spring days! jae got this for meee. ahhh i love her SFM! 8D



evisu handphone straps XD


Evisu for nylon catalog XD



i think this entry is flooded with pics. O_o gonna end it here then~! hahaha XD ciao people :3

i've started my new subject : politics on monday :) the lecture is pretty decent woman named Dr.Hooper.
she has such an unique characteristics and i dunno, she's kinda interesting kind. the way she thinks i mean :) and we wouldn't have exam, rejoice to that! :D but practically the class got reading assignments, and reportings presentation every single day. she said we have to join the discussion to earn 20% credits from total points. but i could care less. i never joined any discussion nor i think im gonna join one. i can't be bothered. no, not because these topics aren't interesting. politics is my forte actually, it's just i can't force myself to enjoy the class when im not.

her classes aren't boring. i do love it. don't get me wrong. she's a nice woman as well. it's just since i started my last year, i've kinda lost my passion in studying. all my grades going down rapidly. yet i don't really give a damn. compared to my 1st and 2nd year, my grades this year ARE JUST THAT BAD. YEAH THAT BAD. period =/ i almost failed a class, and sometimes i didn't feel like showing up in class. ;'( some of my classmates are very nice people, and they're very helpful. i love them :) but i feel like grilling some of them on huge BBQ stall cause they're just irritating. 4 more days and im done with politics. i have 3 classes left before i off to USA to continue the classes there. then im done with my university life. yay to that :)
since i failed my 1st university - psychology, and nope, not going to talk about that. so YAY me. and yet im scared.

i never know how does it feel to go through 'real life' where you have to work, and mingle with the real society where friends can be foe. or vice versa. i always afraid that im not doing good enough. i always try to do my best, i never like it when i make mistakes. i know, living a life where you try to please everybody is not healthy. im trying to get rid of this feeling slowly. it works sometimes. and actually, when i know i don't give a damn about what anyone's thinking, i feel really really good. :) but i can't help it sometimes. LOL.

rant ends here since i gotta sleep :)